


Living in a memory

by orphan_account



Series: its ok [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Dreams, Emotional Hurt, M/M, Moving On, Sad, getting over him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 16:03:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16021292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: years after the break up Louis still struggles





	Living in a memory

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song living in a memory by the growlers. its a good song check it out

Louis did have to rewrite his life.   
His life post harry.   
He was a mess at first. In denial. Angry. Sad. So sad. It took so much time to get himself together again.   
And even years later. He remembers things that were theirs. Memories. His past. Those years. Tangled up with Harry. He can’t think about then without thinking about Harry. They are synonymous with each other. Harry is a permanent fixture hanging up on the wall of Louis past. Louis thought it was true love, meant to be. His person. Soulmates. Forever type shit.   
But it wasn’t. And years later Louis is still recovering. Still moving on. He’s not trying to forget harry because he knows that will never happen. Harry was apart of him at one point. Harry is a key factor in his past. His life.   
So he has to accept it. To deal with the memories. That intrude in his brain at random.   
His subconscious was no help in moving on. As embarrassed as he would be to admit it, he dreamt about Harry sometimes. He'd try to interpret them. Dreams are symbolic. So Harry in a dream didn't represent real life Harry. He was a symbol. But of what, love? The past? Maybe he represented a side a Louis. Louis wasn't entirely sure. He wanted to stop dreaming about him. How damn embarrassing was it to be dreaming about an old ex...  
Louis wants to find love again. But he’s tired. And he doesn’t know how giving away his heart will feel a second time.   
The 1D days are long gone. And Louis feels older. He knows he’s accomplished a lot in his life but he stills feels like somethings missing.   
Louis doesn’t believe in dating. He believes in soulmates. He doesn’t understand the dating scene. Harry was his only serious relationship.   
Louis just wants something who gets him. He still believes in forever love. Despite Harry. Despite the complete 360 he went through. And all those years.   
Louis has friends and he loves his friends. He just wants more. More than anyone is willing to give. More attention, more affection, more love, more more more. Louis loves deeply and wholly.   
He waits. He waits to meet someone who will reciprocate.   
He stopped waiting for Harry to come back a long time ago. He only thinks about Harry when the random memories bring something up. Like a gift he gave to Harry for his birthday one year and how happy he was. Or how he used to spend time with Harry's sister Gemma. How close Harry was with his sister.   
He tries not to dwell on such things. He knows he doesn’t cross Harry’s mind. But sometimes he wonders if maybe he does. But it doesn’t matter so he tries not to think about it.   
He keeps himself busy with projects. Mentoring, song writing, charities, spending time with family or mates. And he waits.   
The memories don’t hurt. They stopped hurting. They used to burn through his body. Ache in his chest. Weigh him down.   
But they don’t even feel like his anymore because he’s not the same person. And he knows Harry isn’t either, wherever he is. They don’t send him spiraling anymore. Resolve teetering, fingers hovering above Harry’s number. That was before he deleted it. Deleted it and all the pictures and threw out all the letters and notes and pictures and stuff that was Harry’s or reminded him of him.  
It was big and dramatic. And Louis had finally had enough sulking and pinning. And that was when he finally realized Harry wasn’t coming back.   
And Louis had to rewrite his life.   
Reinvent himself. His public persona and his mental picture of himself.   
Because apparently things weren’t as straightforward as he once thought they were. Life had changed. His perception of reality. If he and Harry didn’t belong together then what was true and what wasn’t? He didn’t know for a while. He lived in limbo.   
Until he missed love. And being in love. And having someone to love completely. So Harry wasn’t his missing part even though he thought he was. So he’d keep waiting.


End file.
